Break-Up Rehab: How To Navigate Heartbreak

June 4, 2017
Break Up Rehab: How To Navigate Heartbreak

Heartbreak has a way of shaking you to your core. Never drive yourself insane trying to make sense of why he left, there likely is no logical answer. Just because someone doesn’t see your value, doesn’t mean there is something wrong with you. Not everyone sees the beauty in diamonds, some prefer pearls.  Ladies please don’t ever lose yourself trying to find closure.

No breakup is ever easy. Heartbreak is real. But breakups with emotionally unavailable men are messy, disastrous, and likely you are left with a million unanswered questions. He simply walked away with no rhyme or reason why.  Some days (most days) I found myself wishing there was some sort of break up rehab I could run away to, to learn how to get over the monster of an ex I was wasting so much time upset over. I was stuck in a rut and kept wishing there was a handbook that gave me a road map to navigate heartbreak, and essentially avoid it all together.  I had come to the realization that I had a problem of choosing the same type of “man” over and over. The record was stuck on repeat and I was slowly getting sick of hearing the same tune over and over. I was tired of feeling worthless. I was tired of starting over, I was tired of guys who were careless with my heart. I was struggling to keep my head above water in the dating pool.

It’s okay to grieve the end of the relationship. The feelings of heartbreak you are carrying around are real and it sucks majorly when someone walks out of your life without explanation. One minute you’re flying high, and the next you’re spiralling towards the ground.  Emotionally unavailable narcissists are the worst type of guy to get over. They can get you on an emotional high that you believe is once in a life time. The high is addicting and you find yourself always searching for the next fix to keep your buzz.  You’re a junkie when it comes to these types of boys. Something about their mysterious ways has your hooked and the only way to break the cycle is to treat it like any another addiction and rehabilitate yourself. This type of “man drug” has you eating out of the palm of their hand almost instantaneously, and just as quick as the high came in, the high runs out…

So, he’s walked out of your life… now what?  First off, I want you to admit you have a problem. You’re addicted to narcissists who will provide you with nothing but heartbreak and emptiness. The first step in recovery is always acceptance. You need to realize that the only way the relationship would have ever continued is if its completely 100% on his terms. These types of boys lack the ability to feel real intimacy.  Your feelings are not something they are concerned about. They are only capable of having short term feelings and only think in short term goals for their “relationship” with you. The relationship likely had an expiry date before it even started. Everything will always be when its convenient for him. They NEED the control. Their ego doesn’t allow them to let someone else steer the relation-“ship” and if you ever dare to bring up your emotional state, put up any type of boundary, or express feelings  that make him feel like he is losing control over you, he will quickly power down, distance himself and will manipulate you to make you out to be a crazy person and ultimately second guess how you’ve reacted. He will lie to you, deny to you, and threaten that he’ll leave you if you don’t agree with his way of thinking. He will do anything to manipulate you to gain back the control over the situation.

Second of all, let him walk away. Seriously, he did you a favor when he walked out. He did the one thing you were not able to do for yourself and that was to allow him to exit your life. Accept his true character. Separate fact from fiction! You were so wrapped up in the thrill of the chase and following him around like a lost puppy, always at his beck and call, hoping he would want to spend time with you that you failed to realize the guy who he truly was. You were too busy living in a fantasy world that he had somehow managed to snake his way to becoming the king of, that you became blind to what he really was doing. He was playing mind games with you.  The best thing you can do for yourself is to get out of your fairy-tale world and come back to reality.  Learn your value! You deserve stability, empathy, compassion and the reciprocation of true feelings! HE IS NOT THE ONE.  Do you really think that the best you can get is a hot and cold relationship? Do you think the man God has for you is a man who has proven that he is unreliable, empathetically void, and gets emotional hard-ons for playing games with your emotions?

Third, don’t worry about getting revenge, or explaining to him how much he hurt you, or even trying to get even by playing his manipulative games. Explaining to someone who is emotionally constipated why their inexcusable actions have hurt you is like trying to teach a toddler geometry. The emotional capacity is simply not there. Ladies you should never have to explain to somebody how to treat you properly.

The hardest realization when going through this type of breakup is that the feelings you are engulfed in are not reciprocated on his end, and its hard to not want to get revenge.  But, your feelings were never on the same level to begin with.  To you, he was important. To him, you were the means to an end, something to occupy his time with when he was feeling lonely, needed the validation that he was important to someone, or needed an easy lay. So let him walk away, let him move on. Stop the social media stalking, stop posting things to get his attention and stop looking for his validation! Trying to make yourself seem happier on social media, or posting sappy quotes about your heartbreak will accomplish nothing but seek the validation from everyone else that you are either doing better than him, or allowed to remain in your self pity. Getting upset over a guy who doesn’t care about your feelings is like getting upset that a worm didn’t turn into a butterfly.  The best revenge you can get is to find your own happiness and move on. Be to yourself what he could never be for you, be your own knight in shining armor.

Fourth, stay indifferent to his actions post break-up. This is the hardest step. It takes all your strength to not let him have a piece of your mind! He likely will be blowing up facebook, instagram and snapchat with how spectacular his life is without you! He looks happy, so why aren’t you?  Ladies, this is just his way of hiding his inner brokenness and looking for validation from others to feed his god complex. The purpose is to show not only you, but everyone around him that nothing can break him. But in reality, he is already broken. His self worth is based on how many likes he gets on a picture, how many friends he has on snapchat, and how many girls he has filling up his inbox. As long as he has this continuous stream of attention flowing, he isn’t going to give you two thoughts. This façade of his happiness is going to be fuel to your fire of heartbreak. So cut the cord! Block him from every aspect of your life. De-friend him, block his number and unfollow him. He walked out of your life, so you make sure it stays that way.

The fifth and final step is forgiveness. Forgive yourself for falling for this type of man. Forgive yourself for not loving yourself enough to see the guy that your friends kept telling you he was. Forgive yourself for what has happened. Be kind to yourself. What has happened is behind you. Sometimes we have our heads so far up our past that we forget to see our future! But guess what? You don’t live there anymore. Take each day by day. There will be good days, and there will be bad days. Take a little time each day to look forward to the future! I know it seems bleak right now, but get excited about what is to come! Get excited about learning about yourself! Get excited about the ability to fall in love! Get excited about the love you deserve! Until then be your own best friend, search for God, and love yourself. Learn who you are, who God created you to be, and learn your self worth.  You owe yourself the love you so freely give to others.

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